Writing helps me getting out of many conditions like anxiety these days..
I need some time to sleep but my thoughts never leave me,
There is no door to shut the thoughts out and leave anxiety.
Feeling like crying but tears are not falling out of me.
I wish I could share or tell someone what is happening,
But its too hard to explain how anxiety is getting me.
I keep telling myself I am doing just fine
But then my thoughts shut me off and push me back to anxiety.
Sometimes I am too suffocated to breathe,too numb to sleep and close my eyes.
I wish there is a door to shut the thoughts out and leave anxiety.
I want to love you like never being loved before,
Want to feel you on me like I have never been alone.
And I promise I will win this fight over anxiety for our love and for family!
For people out there who are having anxiety issues,I want to say I know sometimes its too hard to say or express yourself and your feelings.And By no means I am assuming I am an expert or something who has all the answers,the thing is I am assuming..and that’s how we all relate and if you are having anxiety like myself I want you to know that sometimes its Ok not to be ok..that’s alright,you are not alone!And if there is someone in your friends or family who is having anxiety issues as well just let them know that they are Ok!
In someways for myself-In the end on the positive note,I will say Anxiety has made me understand that I care what I am thinking about.And I am grateful for those I have and feel blessed to have them in my life.
I always try to write something from which everyone can benefit or learn from,but today I want to express my feelings.
So as the title says its a “Love Letter” to the person I am in love with from the first time I saw him..Actually,I am quite not sure whether I should post it or not because the person I am in love with does not know about this yet.But I think I am gonna do it..just putting it out in the universe you know..!!
So it all started on 21st Dec,2014 at 10:07PM -yeah I know the exact timings,may be it sounds like I am such a looser,but anyway..!!Here is the short love letter to you-
We started as friends and I was in relationship with someone else at that time,but you were always there- both through hard and smooth ways.I can tell you anything you won’t judge you just listen.And when I actually express my feelings,you were with someone else and I didn’t know about that .Until last December,I always thought may be the right time will never come.But we overcame many things.
And now,Its like I have never been so sure about anything like I am sure about us.I want to tell you that I love you and I cannot imagine my future without you.I cannot stop thinking about you.I want to have family and grow old with you.But you left that breaks me.I want to trust you,I really do.I miss you so much that it feels like my heart will explode.I know you understand how I am feeling right now.So I can only perceive by using imagination and believe that everything will be real!There are many things going on in life but there is an important thing in my life that I cannot ignore that is how I am connected to you. Where-ever I go you are always in my heart!
This is story of a little Rabbit named Birdy who had dream of flying high up to the sky like an eagle.This is the story of believing in what others don’t believe and the journey of never giving up on your dream no matter from where you are,who you are and what others say!
Once upon a time,far far away in the middle of the woods,there lived a little rabbit with hundred of her brothers and sisters along with father rabbit and mother rabbit in burrow.The little rabbit had two big ears double the size of the other rabbits.In the community of the rabbits in the woods,they called the little rabbit as Birdy because her ears were of size of the wings of bird.In the jungle where all the rabbits do the farming of carrots as they suppose to do,on the other hand, Birdy was always trying to find different ways to touch the sky.
Birdy’s father rabbit and mother rabbit on seeing her jumping from heights started having fear of loosing her,so they tried to convince her not to do so by saying flying is not what rabbits are born to do but Birdy do not know how to and when to stop.She believe in herself and continued trying.Other animals of the woods made fun of her by saying things like-“Look a Rabbit trying to be an Eagle!” but Birdy instead of answering them back with words she kept trying and trying.She believe in it inside that she can fly and that everything is possible.
One day when Birdy was wandering and jumping from the rocks trying to fly,the tiger saw her and thought that rabbit would make his delicious lunch.He jump over Birdy to attack her,Birdy saw him and ran as fast as she can.While running and running for her life,Birdy reached on the edge of the cliff.On one side,it was hungry tiger and on the other side it was trench. Birdy took a deep breathe and closed her eyes.She took leap of faith and jump from the cliff.
As Birdy was falling down in the river,on half of the way her big ears started moving.Her ears were moving like wings of bird and she starting coming upward. Birdy was flying.On seeing rabbit flying,the tiger got frightened and run back to the jungle.
Like Birdy,Believe in your Dreams and Trust Your Intuitions.99% of who you are is Invisible and Untouchable.Dare to believe in your own ideal.All powers is from within and therefore under our control.So break yourself free from your hereditary patterns,cultural codes,social beliefs,all limiting thoughts and prove once and for all that power within you is greater than power within the world.
Sitting In My White Room,
I am thinking about you!
Lying in my bed hugging pillow beside my side,
I am dreaming about you!
Standing in the middle of the crowd,
I am missing you!
I will fight my inner demons,
I will climb the highest mountain and swim the deepest ocean,
If it takes to be with you!
I will show you all my scars,
I will open up and tell you all the darkest secrets,
If you promise you will be beside my side!
Because you are the reason my heart beats and rise,
You are the reason the yellow flower is alive,
You are the reason stars shine and the sun rise!
You are the reason and Nothing’s Worth Without You!
Knowing what will be the end,
Either one of them have to die or have to live far away for each other’s sake,
Will the end change this time or it will be another pathetic love story of two souls again!
Where there is fire,water cannot exist,
The fire cannot live when water come to life,
Will two ever be alive at the same time when both are in existence!
Whenever water try to hold hand of the fire,the fire ends!
Will this curse on two souls ever end?
Will they meet in the end or it will be another pathetic love story of two souls that never lead to happy end!
Fire purifies water and make water alive,
Water become more valuable with fire,
The bond between water and fire is too strong to break,
That bond make them closer and alive forever,
Will their bond ever come to life,
Or it will break in the end!
Miracles happen And Everything Is Possible!
Faith is the only light upon future,
And Faith is the one that never lead to unhappy end!
So Yes May be the tale of fire and water will lead to happiness and this time they will meet in the end!
Till the wind forgets its directions,
And the day forgets to come,
The yellow flower will be waiting for him to come!
Till the sun forgets to shine,
And the snow forget to fall,
Till the rain drops starts falling dry,
The yellow flower will be waiting for his shadow to fall!
Is he the same like he first came to the garden then?
Does he know the flower is still blossoming for him to come?
In the dusk fall and till the earth die,
The yellow Flower will be blossoming in the Autumn Fall!
Like never ending oceans continue to flow,
And unending life death cycle go,
Till never-ending light of faith become low,
In the middle of thousands of red flowers,
The yellow flower will continue to wait for him to show!
Once upon a time in a small town,a girl lived with her mom and dad.Her mom and dad were teachers.One day when girl was coming back from school,she saw a 12 year old boy standing barefooted outside her house trying to see inside her house.She asked the boy,Is He Ok?And Why is he peeking inside her house? The boy replied,”My family is poor,we live outside under tents so we moved from place to place according to seasons and in between all of that I was never able to study even when I wanted to,so I came here everyday since last week to see children studying because that’s make me happy!”His answer blew her away and she decided to help him.She invited him to come inside and gave him shoes to wear.
The girl was in eighth grade.She pulled out all of her old books from the box and started teaching him.She started teaching him from very basics.All summer she taught him everyday after school.As the raining season was about to come,the boy and his family moved to another place after two month.She gave her old books to him so that he can continue to study.
The life is painful and if we keep becoming the victims of it’s pain and it’s suffering,we will never gonna get what it has ready to offer us.If the boy let his circumstances define his dreams and what he really wanted to have,then he would have never had it.That boy was hungry for education but there is someone around us or in our family who is unloved,unwanted,ignored or forgotten,there is Love-Love begins at Home and Love to be true as hurt.This is what she bring,Love One Another-The Great Love!
It’s not always about how much you have,It’s about what you do with what you all have.The most selfish thing you can do in this world is to help someone else because the gratification and good feeling that comes to you from bringing smile on someone else face or from helping someone-Nothing is better than that!Always be kind to one another.
The effect you have on one another is the most valuable currency in the world.Anything you want good,you can have it so claim it and work hard to get it.When you get it,reach back to hold someone else.
She stares at the stars once again with thousand thoughts in her mind,May be he knows how I am feeling right now…actually probably not!
She is the girl who always walk through the crowded world with head down and never showed her eyes,
She is standing again shivering in front of opened eyes in the hall..May be he will see me again when I am invisible in the crowd.
She is thinking about thousand thoughts and 999 are about him out of all,She feel butterflies in her stomach even when she hear his voice on phone.She tried to talk to him,but he was busy to find his own ways…May be the time was not on her side!
She have understand that may be he will never be mine! And that’s fine…Because she is just breaking inside and finding herself again in the crowded hall.
He broke her heart into two,but when it heals,It beats for him…its impossible for her to get him out off her mind….May be there is chance he will be mine!
But right now she is just breaking inside and finding herself again in the crowded hall.
May be one day they will start it over and both will stay,
May be One day, He and She will dance under the stars and fall in love again,
One day,May be he will grab her from her waist,look into her eyes and say,”You are mine!”
Its been almost a year you have gone,I really miss you my best friend,Grandmother.You have known me from the first moment I got into this world.You are only friend I have in my childhood.You have always been with me through every difficult and happy moments-through victories and failures,through breakup and patch-ups.I am sorry I was not with you during last days of your life.I am sorry I have not shared with you what I was going through during last days of your life,but You knew in your heart what was going on and left me a letter.I am sorry I didn’t got to say that I don’t want you to worry about me more that’s why I didn’t say what was going on.I love you to the moon and back,You are my Best Friend and will always be…I miss you so much My Friend!
Feeling lost,staring at the sky and talking alone in here,
Are you listening to me out there?
I miss you every passing second in here!
You taught me to stand out of the crowd in here,
But now you have left me in here,
This is not fair,are you seeing or listening to me out there?
I want you to know that I miss you every passing second in here!
You were with me during every sad and happy moments coming by life in here,
But right now I really need you,
Are you listening to me out there?
I miss you every passing second here!
You taught me never to be ashamed of being myself no matter how harsh life gets here,
You taught me to stand up and put myself together to move forward when someone try to get me down here,
I need you and I miss you so much,are you listening to me out there?
I know there are many out there like me who have lost their close loved ones and can relate to my feelings and words.I want you to know that You are not alone!
I know its hard but try to put yourself together and stand up.Do good to someone or for someone,try to make someone smile and happy because your loved ones are seeing up there and they will never want to see you sitting with head down.